hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
