We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
