that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
