She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
