My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
