I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
