Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
