its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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