summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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