i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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