I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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