i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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