No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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