I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
