I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
