Only a mothe r could love this liver
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
