did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
