I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
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He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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