my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
