You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
