Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize