Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
