i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
