What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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