good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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