I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Come on in and take your pants off
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