Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
