Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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