Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
