i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
