fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
