Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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