He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
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So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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