No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
