it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
