you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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