I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
