We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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