I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
