while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
