garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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