I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Randomize
