your parents love me but you hate me
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
