NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize