so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
