i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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