you traded sex for a burrito?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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