I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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