I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
