marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
