and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
