I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
