me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
