i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
If I die, sorry about rent.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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