The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
