I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
