Barsexuality is the new black.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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