either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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