I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
