He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
