Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
