So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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