well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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