Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
