She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
