You smell like a Billy Joel song
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
How external is "for external use only"?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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