Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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