The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We just shotgunned beers for America
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
